Why Familiarity Breeds Contempt: The Psychology Behind Our Negative Attitudes Towards the Familiar

Why Familiarity Breeds Contempt: The Psychology Behind Our Negative Attitudes Towards the Familiar

Have you ever noticed that you tend to be more critical of people you know well than those you just met? Or that you are more likely to nitpick at your partner’s behavior than a stranger’s? This phenomenon is known as “familiarity breeds contempt”, and it’s a well-documented psychological concept that explains why we often have negative attitudes towards the people or things we know best.

What Is Familiarity?

Familiarity can be defined as the knowledge or experience of something or someone gained through repeated exposure. It can be positive, neutral, or negative in nature, and it can arise from any kind of relationship or experience, including family, friends, work, or personal interests.

The Psychology Behind Familiarity Breeds Contempt

Psychologists attribute the phenomenon of familiarity breeds contempt to several cognitive biases and social norms that influence our relationships and judgments:

• Negativity Bias: Our tendency to give more weight to negative experiences and information than positive ones. When we are familiar with people or things, we are more likely to notice their flaws and mistakes than their strengths and virtues, leading to a negative evaluation overall.
• Expectation Disconfirmation: Our tendency to evaluate others based on our expectations of them. When we know someone well, we have preconceived notions and assumptions about their behavior and personality, and we judge them based on how well they live up to those expectations. If they fall short, we feel disappointed and may criticize them more harshly than someone we don’t know well.
• Social Comparison: Our tendency to compare ourselves to others in terms of status, achievement, and social norms. When we are familiar with someone who is close to us, such as a family member or a friend, we may feel competitive or envious of their success or behavior, leading to negative attitudes towards them.

Examples of Familiarity Breeds Contempt in Action

Here are some real-life examples of how familiarity breeds contempt can manifest in our relationships and attitudes:

• Sibling Rivalry: Brothers and sisters who grew up together may be more likely to compete with each other and criticize each other’s choices and behavior than people who didn’t share the same childhood experiences.
• Micromanagement at Work: Managers who are too familiar with their subordinates’ work may be more likely to micromanage or nitpick at their performance, leading to lower morale and productivity.
• Criticism in Relationships: Romantic partners who have been together for a long time may be more likely to criticize each other’s habits or quirks than people who just started dating, leading to relationship dissatisfaction and conflict.

How to Overcome Familiarity Breeds Contempt

While familiarity breeds contempt may seem like an inevitable aspect of human behavior, there are ways to mitigate its negative effects:

• Practice Gratitude: Focusing on the positive aspects of your relationships or experiences can help counterbalance the negative bias caused by familiarity. Try to think of specific things you appreciate about the people or things you know well, and express your gratitude to them often.
• Communicate Openly: Being honest and direct with your feedback can help reduce the resentment and disappointment that may arise from unmet expectations. Instead of criticizing or blaming, try to explain your concerns or feelings in a neutral and constructive way.
• Seek Objectivity: Asking for feedback or opinions from people who are less familiar with you or your situation can help provide a fresh perspective and reduce the biases caused by familiarity. Consider seeking advice or guidance from mentors, coaches, or counselors.

Conclusion

Familiarity breeds contempt is a common psychological concept that explains why we often have negative attitudes towards the people or things we know best. By understanding the cognitive biases and social norms that influence our relationships and judgments, we can learn to overcome its negative effects and cultivate more positive and fulfilling experiences. So next time you catch yourself being too critical of your loved ones or your work, remember to approach them with gratitude, openness, and objectivity.